boobs

by yayayanonono

Okay, so I was going to write about ill fitting brassieres, and tips on how to tell if they fit, but I found something more interesting on the La Perla site.

(I was thinking about ill fitting bras, because I’m taking a night class and because I sit at the very back of the room- so that I will not ever be called upon- I look at girl’s backs all night, and for the love of god, they all have chub squeezing out from around the band of the bra. This isn’t a fat epidemic, this is an ill fitting bra epidemic. No matter what your size, your bra should not be squeezing your flesh from under it’s deadly elastic grip. Go get a bra fitting, and spend some cash on a proper bra that does it’s job. I cannot say this enough. If you wear one every day, you need to spend some coin on it. And also, don’t get a bra fitting at some La Senza, Victoria’s Secret place, they know nothing. Go to some mom type place and get some older eastern European lady fit you. Prepare to have your breasts man handled and don’t go in expecting privacy, they will walk in on you without warning and make you shake your tata’s at them. You will be alarmed to find out that you have been wearing the wrong size bra your whole adult life.)

Anyway, I was looking at the La Perla site, and it’s absurd. There’s the most annoying wind chime sound and cheese-ball, legs spread pictures and a magazine (magazine!) that has pictures of lacy toast and melted chocolate and girls in cages and there’s a game you can play like memory but with pictures of girls in their underwear. But more absurd than the wind chimes and melted chocolate, is their press statement:

“Burlesque Sensual Club presents the ironic, irreverent, sensual bird-woman of La perla Black Label. She’s swinging, beckoning, on a perch of features, caged as at a theatre or a club in Brooklyn: a magic and transgressively cool show that mixes cabaret and rhinestone masks, strip tease and black lace, ballet and velvet bows.”

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

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