Yesterday at the beach I was the one complaining loudly about bikini waxing. Sorry you had to move your towel to get away from me.

by yayayanonono

I just want you to know that I was planning to write about swimsuits before I read today’s NY Times article wherein Cathy Horyn goes shopping for a swimsuit (yawn). Much like the obligatory valentines day articles about underwear, the everyday gal being traumatized by trying on bikinis is a bit of tried and true article that crops up every June.

But fear not, I have no stories of humiliation at the hands of a American Eagle bikini. Because I know the secret. The secret is a called a one piece, and you buy it in your size and you go swimming in it. That’s it. And if, like me, you were one of those children who lived in a swimsuit all summer long then you also wear it under your clothes because:

A. you never know when the opportunity to go swimming will arise.

2. It’s like wearing a comfortable girdle.

The only bikini I have ever worn was after I got devastatingly sick from a water borne parasite and dropped to a weight I had not seen since I was fifteen. Though I spent that vacation in constant pain, unable to enjoy food, and plagued with embarrassing intestinal problems, I looked super hot. And I find myself a bit nostalgic for my stomach bug bikini wearing days.

But, instead of punishing myself with the self hatred, I bought a super rad five dollar vintage (aka used) 70’s one piece that I love , hygiene be damned. But my next choice would be this one from J Crew. It looks good on everyone, so stop fussing and just buy it already.