It smells like booze, sweat, and sandwiches

by yayayanonono

So my internet was broken for a few days and when I finally opened my email, expecting it to be jammed with job offers, party invites and general “I can’t reach you” hysteria, I was greeted with seven emails. Four were junk mail from Barneys and one was from my video store. I think I know the reason for my unpopularity. I have a whiff of the not gainfully employed on me.

So it’s fitting that I should read that the annual fragrance awards (or FIFI’s) had been given out. Fragrance awards? Like smell awards? Can anyone enter? Because I have a fragrance , It’s called I wear a bathrobe all day. What kind of world gets B-list celebrities to give out awards for smells? In my fragrance awards world Jane Seymour presents the award for best smell ever to Bacon. And Eva Longoria would present the award for sickly sweet perfume most likely to stick to a pay phone to Eternity by Calvin Klein.

The Fifi’s. The world is going to end. See what happens when you lose the internets for a couple of days. World goes crazy.